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Van's Poetry Wall
His Journey
Van's artistic talents didn't end with his ability to recreate beautiful landscapes on canvass or wild flowers in water colors on paper. Van was also able to express in words a picture, or rather a mosaic, of an individual and his journey. He did this through poetry, which he primarily wrote in freestyle with one exception of the pieces included here ("As Long As I Can Hear the Music"). His poetry reveals another dimension to his own private journey, his own private search for himself and his place in the world, and his own reflection on everything around him. I pray he approves of my sharing these personal and private thoughts, but I do so only to help you complete the picture of the man I knew and loved.
I've taken editorial liberty in putting these poems in the order that I believe reflect Van's journey, as they reveal the man I knew. First there is the journey begun, the secrets of the soul. In reading these poems, if you stop at "There's A Person In Here", or at "Silent Desires", or at "Inside Looking Out", or even at "Say Goodbye", the only picture you will have of Van's journey is one of despondency and futility. But his journey didn't stop there. A glimmer comes through in "The Other Side" with Van's recognition that "on the other side is your happiness and where your life can begin again." If you carry on to "Unless", you can understand his revelation that "you're never lost unless you give up searching." And if you continue on to "Hope", you will discover in the final word what allowed Van to emerge from this journey a whole person, a person beginning to make peace with himself. That word is "faith". When you then read "Unshared Secret", you will understand how that word, faith, allowed Van to ask toward the end of this journey for identity whether he should reach out and whether he should reveal his heart. He relied upon his faith to answer "yes" to both those questions.
His triumphant emergence from his journey for identity marked the beginning of his journey for peace and happiness. Here you will come to understand the romantic Van was and the sensitive individual he was. When you read "As Long As I Can Hear the Music", the final word underscores Van's search for peace and happiness. That word is "love", and Van had a tremendous capacity to love and to be loved. He had an amazing ability to understand its depth and you can feel that in "Without Words". And finally there is "Slow Dance" where he reveals that we all too often get caught up in life and he responds by admitting to himself that he had had enough and that he wanted to take time "to slow dance". It was his own private version of stopping and smelling the roses.
The third section, Insights of the Heart, provides a glimpse into Van's sensitivity and his ability to convey that with clarity. This is as much evident in "Visions" and "The Little Light" as it is in "Kindred Friendship". The final ones are two poems that were read at his funeral. The first is "Photographs" and for all of us who loved him, it serves to remind us that "the love and the memories forever remain." And I've intentionally placed "Always Tomorrow" as the final piece on Van's poetry wall. I think if Van chose to leave one piece of his heart and soul by which he would want to be remembered it would be the message of this poem. Don't wait until tomorrow "to do the things you want to do." And don't wait until tomorrow "to say the things you want to say." Because you may discover in adding up all these tomorrows that it's too late.
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The Journey Begun - Secrets of the Soul
"There's A Person in Here"
There's a person in here --
One who wants to laugh
There's a person in here --
One who wants to love
There's a person in here --
One who is weary from all the sadness
There's a person in here --
One who wants to stop the hurt
There's a person in here --
One who wants to share
There's a person in here --
One who wants to express the feelings
There's a person in here --
One who wants to live.
"Silent Desires"
I sit here in the dark
back against the wall
chains around my heart
restraining my emotions
unable to express the desires --
desires kept silent in my soul
unable to make people understand
unable to make myself understand
"Inside Looking Out"
She sits on the inside
looking out --
Out at the world, the
people who seem to live
their lives so effortlessly.
She's impatient to set
into motion the changes
she yearns for in her life.
But she remains wrapped
in her unhappiness, fear
and her silence --
the despair and sadness
show on her face, the
blue of her eyes slowly
takes over her heart --
She confesses her hopes
and desires to the moon,
looking for approval --
She prays for someone
to break down the wall.
But knowing inside that
she, herself, is the only
one who can -- she sits
on the inside looking out.
"Say Goodbye"
I remember we
were friends at
one time -- why
did that change?
Maybe we never
really were --
perhaps we were
just pretending --
With each day we
grow further
and further apart.
There doesn't seem
to be any way to
bridge this distance --
a distance that
begins to cloud
you from my eyes
and my memory --
What did I do wrong?
How did this happen?
Where are the answers?
But my reflection in
the mirror is silent --
It's time to say .... goodbye.
"The Other Side"
There comes a point
in your life
when you are standing
on the bank of
a river --
a river so wide that
you are unable to see
the other side --
Yet on the other side
of this river is where
you have to be, your
life continues on the
other side--
It may take years to
maneuver across this river.
There will be times you
will need to stop and rest --
There will be times when
the current will push you back --
You struggle and fight
with all your strength
to get closer to the
opposite bank because
you have faith and you know
that on the other side is
your happiness and where your
life can begin again.
"Unless"
You're never a failure --
unless you give up trying.
You're never lost --
unless you give up searching.
You're never alone --
unless you give up reaching out.
You never stop growing --
unless you give up living.
You're never unloved --
unless you give up loving.
"Hope"
Hope can be such
a fragile thing --
Sometimes it so
hard to hold on to --
You question its existence --
You pray that a glimmer
of it will always survive --
Hope is non-existent
without faith.
"Unshared Secret"
There's a part inside --
a part no one knows.
It is kept a quiet secret --
a secret unshared
pretending and denying
to the world and oneself
terrified of the revelation --
of the exposure of your soul
wondering if the pieces will
ever finally fit together.
Will you ever be a whole
instead of a fragment?
Will there ever be a
chance for true happiness?
Do you take the risk --
a risk with high consequences?
Do you reach out?
Do you reveal your heart?
. -- yes --
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The Journey Continues for Peace and Happiness
"As Long As I Can Hear The Music"
As long as I can hear the music,
I know my heart can dance.
As long as I can hear the music,
I'll be willing to take the chance.
As long as I can hear the music,
My soul can sing its song.
As long as I can hear the music,
I'll find my place to belong.
As long as I can hear the music,
Your voice I'll always hear.
As long as I can hear the music,
The loneliness I'll no longer fear.
As long as I can hear the music
That descends from the sky above.
As long as I can hear the music,
The music that comes from love.
"Without Words"
How do you do it?
How is it you can
make me know you
love me - without words?
How can it be?
All it takes is
a simple smile -- without words.
How do I know?
Just by the caring
look in your eyes -- without words.
How can you show it?
Simply by the gentle
touch of your hand -- without words.
Without words --
No whispers in the dark
yet you tell me that
you love me --
without words.
"Slow Dance"
I've had enough --
enough of life rushing by --
the blurred images --
the brief encounters --
it's time for a slow dance.
I've had enough --
enough of the faces I
can't recall --
the time that's slipped away --
the love I'm too busy for --
it's time for a slow dance.
I've had enough --
enough of not speaking --
the absence of not caring --
the emptiness of my soul --
I want to slow dance.
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Journey's End -- Insights of the Heart
"Visions"
Visions in your mind
all unique
Visions of your heart
all personal
Visions of your soul
all you
"The Little Light"
There's a little light --
a tiny little light
You find it only in
very special places
The twinkle in children's eyes
as they play --
The brief but beautiful light
of a falling star --
The sincere light
of a caring smile --
The inner light
of the face of a loving friend --
This tiny little light --
a little light that has
such far-reaching --
life changing --
every encouraging
soul enriching effects.
"Kindred Friendship"
A kindred friendship
between two people
A special connection
that we two share
A sacred place
we each can fill
each in the other
our souls are bared --
A kindred friendship
more than most
A cherished meeting
between two lives
brought together
and never lost
perhaps by fate
ever to survive --
A kindred friendship
never to fade
The ever intertwining
of two souls
Destiny commanded
the gift to be made
of a kindred friendship
each can always hold --
"Photographs"
The photographs on the wall
held in place by yellowing tape
Family and friends
who have touched your life
People you truly cherish
Places and times
you'll always remember with a smile
The occasions are over --
Some of the people are gone --
The tears come
The love and the memories
forever remain.
"Always Tomorrow"
There's always tomorrow
you say to yourself
There's always tomorrow
to do the things you want to do
There's always tomorrow
to say the things you want to say
There's always tomorrow
to be the person you want to be
But if you add up all these
tomorrows -- you find that
it's too late -- your life
is already over...
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